Am I Different?

Who am I?

What do I want?

Why did I want that?

What should I choose?

Why did I chose that?

What should I do?

Why did I do that?

Who really am i? Being born with couple of different things actually isn’t that awesome. When other people could see how colourfull is the world, I couldn’t. When other people can enjoy their meaningful life with their parents, i only do it couple of times. When other people can enjoy their teenage and youth, i can’t. When other people can learn in peace, I can’t.

Oh God, why?

I chose “A” while other chose “Z”. Why it must that different? Am I really only wanna being looked different by other? Or deep inside my heart, i am actually different? When other people can simply decide to “work” or “having a career” after their graduate just because they need to make “money”, why the hell I chose to wasting my time to search the better reason instead of directly following what other people do?

Am I really not like other boys?

“Why did y’all want to be an employee after you graduate?” One of my most trusted person once replied that question for me, “It’s not that we just directly want to be an employee, but if we had the choice and ability to be a freelancer or entrepreneur, we’d be a freelancer like you!”, yet I still couldn’t fully agree with that argument. I wasn’t born as a talented freelancer, a talented graphic designer, a talented engineer, trust me I’m not. It’s not that simple. Those things are just several example of the result of my life’s experiments. I’m not doing that because I just want to be different, but I’m just seeking what I truly want, benchmarking myself, and knowing more about myself. And do you know what’s funny? After spending about 4-5 months as a freelancer, I decide to work as a full-time employee. It’s because I already have the reason! And it’s not only about money!

Or is there any problem with me?

I know this is just a matter of point of view (POV). Relativity. There’s a lot of people that was born unable to even see a thing, doesn’t have the chance to even know their parents’ name, or even don’t even know what the word “learn” is. I’m still trying to be grateful of everything that God has given to me, eventhough it’s not as many as other, but I’ll try to live with that. But isn’t it natural if we human sometimes want more and more?

Or perhaps human really born differently, but it’s just us that trying to make everyone’s the same? I mean same in everyway.

I hate this feeling, but I know sooner or later I have to make friend with it.

Don’t you feel the same, pals?